


https://www.twitch.tv/jonlovett

by gdgdbaby



Category: Crooked Media RPF
Genre: Banter, Chatlogs, Multi, Twitch - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-07 02:10:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18401027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gdgdbaby/pseuds/gdgdbaby
Summary: JON:Just want to flag that itisour first time at Lovett's new place, and he's ignoring us to play video games instead.





	https://www.twitch.tv/jonlovett

**Author's Note:**

  * For [insunshine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/insunshine/gifts).



> happy birthday, marianna! i hope you enjoy this silly little thing about our favorite podcast men. ♥ thanks to radialarch for looking this over.

**LOVETT:** Hi everyone, welcome back to the stream. Shit, let me pause this before I get destroyed…  
 **JON:** Lovett still hasn't fixed the bee situation happening at his front door, by the way. He's got plenty of time to be on Twitch, though.  
 **TOMMY:** He also hasn't had a real housewarming yet, but who's keeping score?  
 **LOVETT:** Hey. Hey. This is supposed to be a livestream of me playing video games, not of me being bullied by a couple of massholes, alright? I can always kick you out and let the bees do their thing.  
 **TOMMY:** Have you beaten that big ape yet?  
 **LOVETT:** Shut up. Anyway, before I was so _rudely_ interrupted, I was going to introduce the guests with me today, but if you're here from Twitter you probably already know who they are, so never mind.  
 **JON:** Just want to flag that it _is_ our first time at Lovett's new place, and he's ignoring us to play video games instead.  
 **LOVETT:** You are completely welcome to leave.  
 **TOMMY:** Think I'm gonna go steal a La Croix. Jon, you want anything?  
 **JON:** La Croix sounds great, Tom.  
 **LOVETT:** Ugh. _Anyway_ , guys, what should I play today? Any suggestions? "OK, Stop." Nice try, come to a show if you want to see that. "Tetris?" _(laughing)_ I think Jon and Tommy would actually kill me if I invited them over and then played Tetris for two hours. Pundit cam — listen, I want it on record that I _have_ ordered a webcam and it is in the mail, being shipped to me as we speak. So you'll be able to see her very soon.  
 **JON:** She's right here! She looks incredibly sad that she's being ignored for Dad's controller.  
 **LOVETT:** You liar, she's an angel who loves the PS4. Guys, I'm just gonna try Sekiro again. No, not the ape. That big boss after the crying lady. The monk guy.  
 **JON:** _(laughing)_ These are all super technical terms, Lovett, I'm impressed.  
 **LOVETT:** _(sighing)_ You people see what I have to put up with all the time?  
 **JON:** Actually, wait — people in the chat are saying that the monk is a woman. Stereotypes, Lovett!  
 **LOVETT:** Alright, settle down. I'm sorry for misgendering the evil monk boss. She excels at kicking my ass, which is true of many women in my life. Oh, look, a giant chicken. I'm gonna kill it.  
 **TOMMY:** A La Croix for you, and for you, and for me. Why are there giant chickens in this game?  
 **LOVETT:** I play a shinobi, Tommy, and this is sixteenth century Japan, and — you know what, I don't need to explain this to you. Go Google it yourself.  
 **TOMMY:** A lot of giant killer chickens in sixteenth century Japan, huh.  
 **LOVETT:** Lots of giant killer chickens, lots of feral monkeys, lots of zombies and ghosts. God, where even am I? This map is terrible.  
 **JON:** Also you while navigating through the streets of LA.  
 **LOVETT:** Can you please stop attacking me in my own home? Here we go, here's the evil monk.  
 **JON:** Wow, she's huge.  
 **TOMMY:** You think that's how everyone looks to someone Lovett's size?  
 **LOVETT:** _(laughing)_ Oh, fuck off. Oh, _no_ , that was so bad.  
 **TOMMY:** This is honestly pretty brutal. I can't believe you have three hundred viewers right now. People like watching you get beat up?  
 **LOVETT:** Tommy, I've got some good stories about a blue recycling bin for you.  
 **TOMMY:** I meant virtually, but you know what? I did kind of walk into that one.  
 **JON:** I think someone's telling you to try a ranged attack?  
 **LOVETT:** Jon, the point of a Twitch chat room is to ask for advice during boss fights and then proceed to take none of it.  
 **TOMMY:** _(laughing)_ Oh, I see. Very productive use of everyone's time.  
 **JON:** I think you just died.  
 **LOVETT:** Thank you, Jon, for that stunning insight. I also have another life. Maybe I should just run away? What do the people think?  
 **TOMMY:** Hey, I think Travis just logged on.  
 **JON:** He really wants you to come to Brazil.  
 **LOVETT:** He always wants us to come to Brazil. Okay, okay, I'm running away.  
 **TOMMY:** Would you say that that's a recurring theme in your life?  
 **LOVETT:** _(laughing)_ What are you, Tommy, my therapist? Man, I hate this village. I keep forgetting which field is the one where zombies come out of the ground and hold onto my legs so they can gang up on me and — yep, there we go, lost my second life. That was pathetic.  
 **JON:** Now what?  
 **LOVETT:** Now I reload and start again. Where should I go? "Are Jon and Tommy also wearing headsets?" No, they're just sitting extremely close to me so we all get picked up on the same microphone. Just kidding, I upgraded to a different freehand setup so more people can talk at once without the sound breaking up.  
 **TOMMY:** It looks very professional. Lovett's going to leave Crooked Media and go join Polygon, you heard it here first.  
 **LOVETT:** _(laughing)_ How do you even know what Polygon is?  
 **TOMMY:** I can be cultured, sometimes.  
 **JON:** Ah, I'm out of La Croix. Want another, Tommy?  
 **LOVETT:** You guys are buying me a replacement eight-pack the next time you come over, I swear to God.  
 **JON:** Just steal some from the office tomorrow.  
 **TOMMY:** _(laughing)_ Sarah, just in case there's a slim chance that you're watching this stream for some reason, we _never_ steal snacks from the office.  
 **JON:** _(laughing)_ That's right. I meant the, uh, the agency one floor below us. Their office.  
 **LOVETT:** _(distracted)_ Can you let the dog out while you're up, actually?  
 **JON:** Folks, you have it on record that Lovett invites his friends over so he can get them to do menial tasks for him.  
 **LOVETT:** Oh my God. _(beeping)_ Well, you've gone and set off the alarm again. Tommy, you play for a second.  
 **TOMMY:** What! I don't even know what to—  
 **LOVETT:** Just walk around and hit R1 if you're close to a monster.  
 **JON:** Nice headshot, Tommy.  
 **TOMMY:** Maybe I'll pivot to Play Station the World.  
 **JON:** _(laughing)_ They're just asking you a bunch of foreign policy questions in the chat room now. Also Travis wants to know when he's getting a raise for watching this.  
 **TOMMY:** Travis, you do not actually have to be here.  
 **LOVETT:** Alright, Pundit's out in the yard, the Simplisafe has been reset, Tommy's killing zombies.  
 **JON:** Super great housewarming party.  
 **TOMMY:** I died already. This game is terrible, where's your Mario Kart?  
 **LOVETT:** That would require me to switch consoles, and I feel like everyone in this room and on this stream knows that I'm not going to do that.  
 **TOMMY:** Ugh, fine. Pull the game up on your phone, Jon.  
 **LOVETT:** What game? I'm playing a game!  
 **JON:** And the Red Sox are playing the Jays right now.  
 **LOVETT:** Unbelievable. I finally invite the Boston bozos to see my house and this is how I'm repaid. Oh, shit, this monk is so fast. What was that thing you guys were telling me to use last time? Divine Confetti?  
 **JON:** Ohh, top of the ninth and the bases are loaded.  
 **LOVETT:** Hey, if you're going to interrupt the stream with sports nonsense, go back to the kitchen.  
 **TOMMY:** But the couch is so comfy.  
 **LOVETT:** Yeah, that's why I bought it.  
 **JON:** _(laughing)_ This Twitch livestream has been brought to you by Article.com. Oh no—  
 **LOVETT:** Oh no, oh no, I got too greedy — why won't the jump button ever work properly?  
 **TOMMY:** _(groaning)_ The Jays just pulled ahead by two runs, fuck.  
 **LOVETT:** Shit, I don't have any more healing gourds this round.  
 **JON:** Every time you die it's so dramatic.  
 **LOVETT:** Fuck it, I'm moving on to Tetris.  
 **TOMMY:** Seriously?!  
 **LOVETT:** Wait, one sec, I gotta go let the dog back in first. _(clatter)_  
 **JON:** _(sighing)_ This is so ridiculous.  
 **TOMMY:** You know he loves the attention.  
 **JON:** _(laughing)_ What, we don't give him enough of it already?  
 **TOMMY:** Guess we just gotta distract him somehow.  
 **JON:** _(huffing)_ What did you have in mind? _(rustling, muffled thump)_ Oh, alright then. Shit, Tommy, give a guy a little warning, your fingers are all cold from the—  
 **TOMMY:** Yeah, yeah, the more you complain—  
 **JON:** Ahh, you're really — if you keep going that fast I'm gonna—  
 **LOVETT:** Cool, Pundit's back — _guys_ , the mic's still hot — sorry everyone, gotta run, I'll stream again — later. Later! Bye!


End file.
